How do you prefer to break-up with someone?

I wonder if there is a nice way to do it when you have to do it?

I have been thinking about “mastering the art of breaking-up” since I learned that there are specific kinds of letters for break-ups belonging to the American culture, known as “Dear John Letters”.

They say that the origin of this “Dear John Letter” phrase comes from the times of World War II:

American men go to war, they can not return home for a long time.

And eventually, one by one, they begin to receive these “Dear John Letters” from their wives or girlfriends informing them their relationships are over.

Yes!

“Dear John, I am sorry but I am sick of waiting for you and it is over. I met this guy with the blue Corvette; he takes me out dancing and he is so nice to me. I hope you meet with a nice girl ‘if’ you return home…”

Breaking-up via a letter?

Does it sound cruel to you?

Well nowadays you may not even receive a letter at all – cruel or not.

You may receive an “emoji” – or, if you are lucky enough, a well chosen “sticker”!

Believe me, it is a fact! I received one! I can show you if you want!

No “Dear Jane…” stuff, no letter, no nothing – just a Snoopy sticker through “Facebook Messenger”!

After bunches of paragraphs in which I was trying to express myself, all I received back was a Snoopy sticker!

Snoopy?!

Come on! – If you can not be a man, at least be a bit more creative!

Would you like to hear about a creative break-up?

O.K.!

Do you remember the famous TV series – “Sex and the City”?

There is this main character called Carrie Bradshaw – a typical New Yorker girl, lives in Manhattan and she writes a column about the relationships as a profession?

In season six, Carrie Bradshaw’s ‘complete waste of time boyfriend’ – Berger, breaks up with her on a “post-it” – on the morning of their very last make-up night! Very creative!!

After all the ups and downs in their relationship, she finally accepts to take him back,

they spend the night together,

then she wakes up alone in the morning and finds the “post-it” on her Mac Book screen!

It says: “I’m Sorry / I can’t / Don’t hate me – ”

I remember, they made an entire episode out of this creative break-up tool: A “post-it”!

Well, compared to “Snoopy” and the “Post-it”, receiving a “Dear John/Dear Jane Letter” does not sound that cruel anymore – right?

On the other hand, some of you still may think that every relationship at least deserves a simple “phone talk” to break up?

I suggest you should not be so sure.

It really depends on the call you receive.

Now listen to this – not a TV series thing, and completely non-fiction, a true story:

The girl falls in love with a man – the love of her life, her other half, her soulmate…

They talk on the phone for hours.

They meet quite often.

They not only share a bed but also share ideas, jokes and laughter.

“They finish each others’ sentences” type of thing.

Besides, she knows his parents and gets on very well with them.

Then one day she receives a phone call from him.

He says “There is something I would like to tell you” in a serious and anxious manner.

She gets excited and thinks the time has come when she will hear “those three words” that she has been expecting for a long time.

At the same time she feels a bit disappointed – because she thinks it is better to hear it face to face; but anyway – she does not discourage him and answers “Yes, I am listening…”

Instead of those expected three words, she hears him say: “I have a girlfriend.”

Well, this is no news – she already knows that… She is the girlfriend.

Is she?

No.

And there comes a long, ice cold, awkward silence on the line…

What about that?!

Telling about a girlfriend, to a girl who thinks that she is your girlfriend!

On the phone?!

What kind of a break up is that?!

What on earth was he thinking?!

You should have seen the expression on that poor girl’s face while telling me the story.

She was the “Emoji”!

“Dear Janes and Johns”,

Breaking-up with someone is not a nice thing – and there will never be a nice way to do it.

So, just remember that the people you are breaking up with are real human beings,

You once had good times together,

And they deserve to hear at least a few nice words face to face – in person.

Although the break-up conversation makes us feel uncomfortable, we all know that it is still the only thoughtful, graceful, decent and honorable way to “master the art of breaking-up”.

12.11.2015

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“People have forgotten to be valuable, they are just trying to be important”.

This quote belongs to a Turkish politician, journalist and writer called “Çetin Altan” who has passed away last week at the age of 88.

He claimed that being important is a temporary situation – on the other hand being valuable is permanent and priceless.
He believed that the key for a developed country is in the hands of its valuable people.

So – what makes us valuable?
In my opinion “what we know” makes us valuable,
Our will to expand our knowledge and the way we share it,
Things we do in our spare time,
Values those we respect and believe in,
How we treat people,
The way we make them feel,
The way we talk about them in their absence,
Our willingness to help those who are in need,
Our capability to be happy for others’ achievements,
Everyday trying our best – to become better versions of ourselves, makes us so.

And of course the way we are remembered makes us valuable in the end.

This gentleman who has passed away was a golden child of a nation and certainly was a valuable man himself – a genuine one to be remembered forever.

30.10.2015

TM-Thought of the Day

There are and there will be struggles in life.

Are we going to focus on the struggles and the problems themselves?
Or are we going to choose to recognize the lessons they are trying to teach us?

This is an important, life changing decision to make.

I believe that every struggle we face in our lives are sent in order to teach us something, or to make us teach something to others.

Being able to recognize these lessons is the key for the personal evolution.

Concentrating on self evolution instead of being stucked in the problems makes the life easier and happier.

Problems – one or another will always be in our lives.

If we manage to learn our lessons from them, we may carry ourselves to higher levels in being better people.

Handling the problems with such point of view makes us gain
– Empathy,
– Resilience,
– Joy and
– Strength to survive.

So today, I invite you all to make this life changing decision – which will lead you to be better and happier version of yourselves.

05.06.2015
TM-Thought of the Day

Seven years ago, I surprisingly met someone.
A complete stranger.
Someone whose company I have appreciated each and every day since we met.
Someone I love to discover.
Someone who is my longest commitment.
That someone is me.
Noone else but me – myself and I.

Yes, I met myself at the age of thirty.
You may wonder, how on earth this could be possible?
Well, let me explain you what was going on in my life before that grand meeting.

I was born in Ankara -the capital city of Turkey- in 1978.
I was raised in a loving, caring and a quite conservative family in the same city.
I went to school and finally graduated from the College in the very same city.
This was the first era of my life – in which I was someone’s daughter.

Then came the second era – in which I was someone’s wife.
In fact, the story of this era is much more interesting than the first.
In his book “Justine”, Lawrence Durrell says “A city becomes a world when one loves one of its inhabitants”.
Well, in 1999 the “21 year old college girl” version of me reads this very romantic sentence,
It makes a lot of sense to her,
By the courage of this sense and the level of love and romance, she accepts to marry her 23 year old college boyfriend.
The proposal comes with a clause of moving abroad to the boy friend’s homeland.
She does not hesitate even for a moment and accepts to move to an island called Cyprus to which she has never been before,
And she has never seen before – not even on TV, literally…
Because you know “A city becomes a world…”!
Yes, we got married in 2001 and moved to this beautiful Island which indeed became a world for me as I very much loved one of its inhabitants truely and deeply.

Then somehow, after ten years of marriage came a divorce – but don’t worry,a smooth one…
By the last years of my marriage, the third era of my life had begun, in which I had been trying to be myself.
At that time, in 2008, I felt miserably alone for the very first time in my life and I met myself in that loneliness.
And I found the opportunity to ask myself about my ambitions.
The answer was simple: To be happy and to find out and realize my potential.
And so, I made a very simple decision: I decided to move away from all negative people and all negative thoughts in my life.
At the very same time I also made a strong wish to meet only inspiring people from then on for the rest of my life:
People who will inspire me to bring out the best in me,
Who will encourage me to share my blessings with others,
Who will lead me to speak up,
Who will keep introducing me to new beautiful people like themselves.

It has been seven years since that I have made that simple decision and that strong wish.
Since then I feel like I am on a consistent journey to myself.
And sometimes I feel I am like Heinrich Harrer, the Austrian mountain climber from the movie – “Seven Years in Tibet”. His adventurous climbing journey suddenly leads him to meet and become friends with the Dalai Lama in Tibet. This friendship and the journey he takes make him face himself and find his inner peace.

Well, through the seven years of my own journey I have not met the Dalai Lama yet but I have met some inspiring people on my way just as in my strong wish.
One of those people made me feel beautiful again,
One encouraged me to share my writings with others,
One appreciated my potential and promoted me in my job,
One introduced me to a life time friend,
And that friend lead me to speak outloud and introduced me to all of you.

And now, after seven years in my journey to myself, I feel that the third era of my life is slowly closing and something new is about to come.
I do not know what it will be for the time being – it is just a strong feeling…
But there is one thing I am sure of:
This time, me – myself and I are ready and there to welcome anything that comes along…

15.05.2015

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